1. Assertive communication refers to the ability of a person to communicate clearly and directly without the need to disrespect the opinion of another, that is, to express their point of view without aggression or judgment, in parallel with avoid margin for misinterpretation in relation to what is being exposed.
Etymology: On the forms of Latin communication, communicationisinherent to the verb communicarebased on communiswhich refers to the ‘common good’, to ‘the public’, formed by the prefix com-depending on ‘encounter’, the word munisaccording to ‘commitment’, ‘obligation’, and the suffix -icareas a verbal property, conjugating with the suffix -ción, with reference in the modes -uncle, -ōnisdue to deverbal substantivization in character of action-effect. + Assertive, built from assertion, with a quote in Latin assertusrooted in as-serĕreof ad-serĕremarked by the prefix ad-as ‘towards’, ‘for’, the verb I will be, from ‘join’, ‘order’, ‘in columns’. Incorporating the suffix -idad in assertiva/o, the substantivation is configured with respect to the adjective, as a property of quality.
Grammatical category: noun fem.
in syllables: co-mu-ni-ca-ción + a-ser-ti-va / a-ser-ti-vi-dad.
Assertive Communication (Assertiveness)
Augustine Repetto
Degree in psychology
Assertiveness is a resource to communicate efficiently and respectfully with oneself and with the interlocutor. Many investigations show the existence of a positive correlation between assertive behavior and high self-esteem and indicate, in turn, that people who communicate assertively tend to establish more harmonious and healthy interpersonal relationships. Therefore, we can affirm that assertiveness has positive consequences on the quality of life of people, based on what:
– They express what they feel (whether positive or negative), what they want (and what they don’t) and what they think in a clear, respectful and precise way, taking into account the appropriate moment and context.
– They assume what they feel and the responsibility that sustaining interpersonal relationships entails.
– They feel free to say what they want without harming others. For example, they can say “no” to a request, disagree or disagree with another’s opinion without violating the interlocutor’s rights or hurting their sensibilities.
– Avoid manipulative and aggressive behaviors
– They make intelligent use of emotions. They are able to identify and express them in an appropriate way, that is, without feeling anxiety or aggressiveness.
Towards the end of each year, Google releases global search trends. This 2022 the question in English: Can I change? – or in Spanish: ¿Puedo cambiar? – was written more than ever before. Some of the many questions asked in the search engine about the possibility of subjective change were: Can I change my life? How can I change my point of view? Can I change my personality? Can I change myself? How can I be better?, among others. These and the other questions asked about how to modify certain personal aspects show the intention of wanting to improve in different areas of life. One possible way to embark on the path of personal development is training in assertive behavior and communication.
Considerations to take into account to exercise assertiveness
Since there is no instruction manual that allows us to learn how to apply assertiveness in a mechanical way, since the possible situations are multiple and it is impossible to cover them all, we are going to first describe some fundamental and general issues and then we will give some examples.
To exercise assertiveness it is necessary to take into account verbal and non-verbal aspects such as:
– Establishing eye contact and holding your gaze long enough to establish good contact makes the interlocutor feel valued and heard. On the contrary, avoiding the look can give distrust and generate feelings of insecurity.
– Manage an optimal tone of voice. Speaking very loudly can express aggressiveness and speaking very softly, insecurity.
– Synchronizing body language with what is being said verbally denotes honesty and directness in what is being said. On the contrary, the mismatch between the content of the message and the facial and body expressions makes the message ambiguous, which can lead to mistrust.
– Limit the use of fillers, prolonged silences, unnecessary and redundant clarifications.
– Instead of insinuating, be clear and precise with what you want to express.
– Prepare the dialogue in cases where it is possible to anticipate the conversation.
As we mentioned before, assertiveness is a fundamental competence for communication and establishing good social relationships. For experts on the subject, it is not an intrinsic characteristic of each person’s personality, that is, a capacity that one has or does not have, but rather a social ability that is learned, capable of being trained, developed and improved with the conscious practice. Below we will see some phrases -that can occur in everyday life- and exemplify the different communication styles:
Com. not assertive Com. assertive
“You make me mad, you never listen or pay attention to me!”
“The fact that you don’t look at me when I talk to you makes me think that you don’t pay attention to me and that bothers me”
“You always complain about everything!”
“I understand that there are things you don’t like, what can you do to change them?”
“You are making a mistake, you are doing everything wrong!”
“I understand what you are saying, although I don’t think the same. From my point of view, I think that…”
As can be seen, the main difference between assertive communication and one that is not, is that in the former one assumes responsibility for what one feels and clearly identifies what is bothering, without blaming the other. For this, it is essential to be able to describe the behavior or specific event (not including evaluations) and then describe and express our associated thoughts and feelings. In addition, in assertive communication, one leaves the complaint to seek solutions and operational alternatives. Finally, the immediate consequence of a non-assertive communication is likely to be an aggressive argument, while the consequence of an assertive communication is the resolution of the conflict in an effective, respectful and kind manner.
Following
References
Mayer-Spiess, O.C. (2010). Assertiveness: expression of healthy self-esteem. Desclée de Brouwer.